I woke up around six this morning. I had a terrible time sleeping last night and that carried over to this morning. I was just awake. I was wide awake. And I really don’t know why other than the fact that I am super excited to go home! I have one more final and then I am actually done with my first year of college.
I know I kind of touched on this in my letter to myself but I will say it again: this year actually went by fast. It is so weird that you hear people all the time saying it goes by so fast and you never think it will (and honestly this was the longest week of my life!) but then when you look back, the year really does go by fast.
This year taught me a lot about myself. The biggest thing was a new definition of introvert. I have NEVER thought I was an introvert. I have taught, acted, and been very social since I was young. I, like most people, was shy around adults, but I loved being around people. The thing is, I would always get a break from those people, usually at the end of the school day. In college I learned that there are some people who are literally with a lot of people ALL the time and they hate alone time! I am not one of those people. I still enjoy performing and teaching, but I have no interest in staying up with friends until midnight doing absolutely nothing. I like my alone time; and my sleep!
I also learned more about the fact that I crave deep, meaningful friendships. I want someone to invest in me. I’ve known this for awhile too but coming to college I really struggled to make friends and I think it was just because I would talk to someone and I would know that they didn’t have the “chosen generation” mindset that I do and while I could still be kind to them and grab lunch every now and again, I wouldn’t be able to go deeper with them; it would just be a surface level friendship. Thankfully through CRU I have found friends that also crave meaningful friendships and relationships. They were there many nights when I was crying about things going on at home and they listened and completely understood through a breakup that most girls my age would have said I was crazy for breaking up with him for. Because of my experience in craving and struggling to have meaningful friendships, my goal next year is to “find a freshman” (let God bring me that freshman) and to really invest in them and be there for them.
So now onto less deep things: I learned that I have way too much stuff! I learned this while packing this week. It’s ridiculous but don’t worry, I can see out of my back windshield so all is well.
I have learned that meal plans are stupid (or at least ours is). We have a set amount of “swipes” that we pay for up front for our meals but here’s the kicker: those swipes don’t roll over! So what you don’t use goes to waste. As of now I have 13 so I’m pretty proud of myself but I’m only here for one more day and we can only use six a day so some are still going to be wasted.
I could never go on to say what all this year has taught me but I think my favorite thing is the reason I started this blog. I learned that people are really good at putting on a front. They can go to chapel on Thursday night and they may even go to church on Sunday morning but it is obvious they go out Friday and Saturday night. This is incredibly frustrating to me because I feel like it not only ruins their testimony but it doesn’t help me look good either (not that I am here to please man but we are to be representatives of Christ here on the earth). People associate people with people. Meaning, if I am going to chapel with the people who are going out and sleeping around, people automatically assume that I am doing the same thing and I am not! That’s why I am striving to be (and believe me not in my own power) the strange and peculiar person that God has called me to be. It’s hard. I am created with the same desires as every single girl in my dorm. I want to have friends. I want to be liked. But unfortunately for a lot of college students that means compromising your morals and I refuse to do so. Again, I am NOT doing this in my own power; I can’t. It takes daily surrender to God and to his Word for me to be able to do this. I pray that you, college student, professional, or whoever you are, never compromise what God has called you to.
Stay that strange, peculiar, chosen, and set apart person; creating the generation.
Proclaim His praises!
P.S. Just a few pictures from Freshman Year. I’m really bad about remembering to take pictures so there aren’t a lot but here you go!